(First published in the West Nebraska Register, March 27, 2020)
In the last month, I have been incredibly blessed to spend extra time with four incredible women in my life. (Sorry, Dad, it was amazing to get to spend time with you too, but you don’t get to be the star of this column.)
For four weeks, I came back to Nebraska to spend time with my grandmas and godmother since she was back visiting from Washington. This time also allowed me extra time to spend with my mom.
These four women are incredibly different and so full of love. Spending time with any one of these four has always filled my heart.
Since my grandpa Hulinsky passed away in 2004 and then my grandpa Hetfield six years later, I learned a hard lesson — grandparents are REALLY special and it’s really hard to say goodbye to them.
Since learning that lesson, I have made a point to spend extra time in getting to know my grandmas who are still with us.
So this time back in Nebraska, and the vacation time I took from work, was well spent. I played bingo with Grandma Hulinsky in her nursing home, I scrapbooked with Grandma Hetfield at the farm, I cooked with my godmother Joyce and I carpooled with my mom Cheryl. In these little moments, I found incredible inspiration.
My grandma Hulinsky has been without her husband for 16 years and for 14 of those 16 years, she lived alone and was working a job outside the home. My grandma Hetfield has been a widow for 10 years and still lives out on the farm by herself. My aunt Joyce is married to a now retired veteran, and my mom and dad will be married for 30 years in September and have spent most of their time together.
All four of these women have different stories and different life experiences, but all four women embody what I hope to be in a wife, mother and woman.
In Colossians, Chapter 4:18-19, Paul gives instructions for how to live as a married person:
“Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and avoid any bitterness toward them.”
This advise is difficult to understand is often taken the wrong way, especially in today’s society. Subordinate has negative connotations and people believe this certainly can’t support the feminist movement, and anything that goes against the feminist movement is hateful and wrong in today’s world.
But, this lesson, when really understood, fully supports the Christian family in whole — women included.
This advise isn’t saying that the wife should be under, or lesser than, the husband in any family. Rather subordinate in this reading refers to being in mission with husbands.
A podcast I recently listened to regarding this topic (Catholic Stuff You Should Know: Subordination, Jan. 9, 2020) discusses the idea that to fully understand this reading and to fully follow through with the phrase, “as is proper in the Lord,” there are three parts of the Catholic Church that must be understood.
First, the church teaches that all humans — male and female; rich and poor; tall and short; white and black; 90 years old, 30 years old or still in the womb — are crated equal. The church says everyone is on an equal playing field in the eyes of God, and because God is not able to contradict Himself, this reading cannot be saying wives are less than husbands.
Second, there is a distinction between man and woman. God made meant and women to be different and to have different roles in families. Today’s society says there is no difference and that we shouldn’t view men and women as ever being different from each other, but simply looking at the way men and women’s bodies are designed disproves that. God doesn’t make mistakes, so the way He intentionally made us different is the way things must be.
This leads to the third: Men and women compliment each other. We need each other in the same way the Father needs the Son and the Spirit,the Son needs the Father and the Spirit, and the Spirit needs the Father and Son. These three are all different persons, but they compliment each other to show the perfect union — an example for the union crated in marriage with man, woman and God.
Knowing these three parts and how God is unable to be wrong or contract Himself, we should see how this reading from Colossians is showing wives how to love and serve their husbands and showing husbands how to love and serve their wives.
This reading comes to mind when thinking about my grandmas, my mom and my godmother as they exemplify this reading in their everyday lives.
My grandmas were not enslaved to my grandpas, my mom is not less than my dad and my godmother is not inferior to my godfather.
These four women are dignified, worthy, equal, independent and amazing. They have the ability and they excelled/are excelling in loving and serving their husbands and families.
They are not to be taken advantage of and they have the ability to be their own people, but they also see and follow through on the promises they made in front of God and other witnesses to love and serve their husband through all situations of live — even after my grandpas have passed.
These women show me, as a newlywed, how to be my own person, how to believe in myself as being equal, distinct and complimentary to my husband in the Lord, as Paul advises in this letter to the Colossians.
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